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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not all people likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?